Always
by datajana
Summary: She wants to love him, but doesn't know if he will love her. Can she wait for him, or will she always be alone? One-shot. HU


I know I've yet to make another update to Unwanted Feelings, but this story came unexpectedly. I was at work today and, since my boss had nothing for me to do, I kicked back in the GA office. After completing my homework and readings, I had nothing to do. So, I grabbed a pencil and some paper and started writing. After four hours of writing, reading, proofing, and three sodas, I ended up with what you see here.

I hope you enjoy this fic. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Always

The first time she saw him was after a particularly nasty fight with Mamoru. He was leaning against the side of the entrance to Mamoru's apartment complex, smoking a cigarette. Usagi had tears running down her face, yet she did not care if he saw them." Mamoru doesn't care when he sees them, so why should it matter if anyone else sees them?" she muttered darkly to herself.

She stopped when the man tossed his half-smoked cigarette in her path. Without glancing over at him, she stepped over it and kept going. 

"You're crying. Why?" She stopped in mid-step and retorted "Why should I tell a stranger why I'm crying?" She tried to keep the pain and grief from her voice, yet it was in vain. Before he could answer, she took off running. More tears filled her eyes as she chided herself for being so cold to the man, the man who was only concerned for her. _It's more than the man who _supposedly _loves you would do!_ a voice cried in her mind. 

She slowed to a walk, then stilled as she glanced into the clear night sky. Since it was a new moon, she could only see the stars and various planets twinkling at her from the heavens. Sighing, she turned and made her way back…

…Yet all she found that remained of the kind stranger was the cigarette, still smoldering, little wisps of smoke rising into the air above it before disappearing entirely. 

She kneeled over and gently picked it up, looking over it before pressing it firmly against the cold concrete, putting the small embers out forever. She laid it in the palm of her hand, debating within her mind for a short moment. She knew that if her mother or friends found this on her, there would be hell to pay. However, the thought of throwing it away made her heart ache in a way she had never felt before. Making up her mind, she opened her purse, rummaged within it, then placed it inside. She stood and glanced at her watch and, noticing it was near her curfew, she dashed towards home, all thoughts of anger and sadness with Mamoru forgotten.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Mama! I'm home!" Usagi cried as she entered her house. She took off her shoes and coat, put on her slippers, and then entered the kitchen. She smiled as she saw her mother remove a plate from the oven. 

"You didn't have to do that, Mama," she said as she took the plate and sat down at the table. "You knew I was having dinner with Mamoru," she said as she ate. A confused frown filled her mother's face.

"So it's just 'Mamoru' now?" she asked, then, when Usagi did not reply, she asked, "Did he cheat on you? Did he hurt you? What did he do, Usagi-chan?!" 

Usagi started to play around with the remaining pieces of food that were left on her plate. Her mother crossed her arms and waited. Finally, Usagi looked up at her mother, her eyes bright and luminous. "We're done, Mama. Forever this time." Her thoughts wondered to the cigarette in her purse and she could not stop herself from smiling.

"Are you feeling well, Usagi-chan? You don't look like you've lost the love of your life. You look like you _are_ in love!"

"Mama, no, I'm not in love, it's just that…" And Usagi told her mother all that had happened, sans the cigarette now being in her possession. She bowed her head, knowing that she was about to get yelled at. Her mother did that a lot lately, whenever she felt that Usagi had put herself in danger. However, it was understandable.

Usagi jumped when she felt her mother encircle her from behind. "My dear Usagi-chan, what a wonderful way to meet someone! But," her voice became filled with sorrow," how will you find him?"

The blonde girl visibly paled. _How will I find him?_ She burst into tears as she stood from her chair and ran into her mother's arms. 

"Oh Mama, why was I so rude to him? I bet he things I'm a spoiled brat! I might never see him again!" Ikuko gently rubbed her daughter's back, tears falling from her own eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*

Instead of going to school the next day, Usagi walked the streets of Tokyo. She searched the faces of those around her, hoping that one would recognize her or she might recognize a voice. When it was near dusk, she walked towards Mamoru's apartment. She did not go directly by, but sat across the street on a bench at the bus stop. A short time later, Mamoru entered the complex, his arms around a slender redhead. Usagi was not fazed at the site. Why should she, when she herself was looking for another?

She crossed her legs and leaned her head against the soft, warm body behind her. Her eyes snapped open. _WARM BODY?!_

She jumped from the bench, her blonde hair whirling around her as she turned and saw whom she had been searching. Under the streetlight, she saw tousled chocolate-brown hair and deep, icy blue eyes. He looked at her, his face showing nothing of what he was thinking, nothing of what he was feeling.

She blushed when she realized that she had been staring at him. She lowered her head and bowed over. She then murmured something that he could not hear.

"What was that?" he asked, not understanding what was making the young woman in front of him so flustered. She lifted her head, then, looking straight into his eyes, she stammered "I-I wanted to a-apologize for being so rude to you last night." She took a deep breath, then continued, "You were only trying to be kind. I shouldn't have run away. I should've thank you."

He stared at her and she stared back. Trying to fill in the silence that threatened to strangle her, she stuck out her right hand over the bench that separated them.

"I'm Usagi Tsukino." When he did not make any motion to shake her hand, she started to withdraw it. However, he suddenly reached out and took her small, soft hand and held it within his large, callused one.

"Heero Yuy."

Usagi placed her other hand over his and said "Nice to meet you, Heero-san."

He tensed from his hand being held within hers. She dropped his hand then, causing him to be both relieved and distraught. 

"Gomen nasai! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!" 

He glanced up at her face and saw worry there. He was about to speak when a voice called from the down street.

"Usagi-chan?" They both turned their heads in the direction of the voice. 

"Mako-chan?" 

"Usagi-chan, why are you standing across the street from Mamoru-san's?" the tall brunette asked as she pointed her finger towards the apartment. "And why are you by yourself?"

Usagi gave her friend a confused look, then turned and saw that Heero was no longer there. She sadly turned and sat on the bench. She looked up into the sky, discovering that clouds now covered the celestial objects that had sparkled brilliantly at her the night before. 

"Mako-chan, it's supposed to snow tonight, right?"

Makoto was caught off guard. Usagi has evaded her question by asking about the weather? "Um, hai. But, what's wrong? You weren't in school, your mother said that you've been gone all day, and now you're sitting across the street from your fiancé's." Usagi sighed and grasped Makoto's hand, pulling her until she sat next to her. "Mako-chan, I can't explain exactly what's going on. I just feel that I'm doing the right thing."

Makoto nodded, yet she could not understand why Usagi was trembling. Was she afraid? Did something terrible happen between her and Mamoru?

"Usagi-chan, if Mamoru-san hurt you, just tell me and I'll pound his face in!" Makoto said, her large green eyes sparkling with anger. Usagi began to laugh, throwing her head back and holding her sides. 

"I'm serious, Usagi-chan! Why are you laughing?!" Makoto cried, a little unnerved by her friend's drastic change in mood. 

"Gomen, Mako-chan, gomen! I just pictured in my mind you running across the street, barging into his apartment, and catching him off guard with that redhead he has over tonight!" She gasped and covered her mouth as Makoto's eyes widened in shock.

"He's cheating on you?!"

Usagi had to wrap her arms around Makoto's waist to keep her from murdering Mamoru. "Mako-chan, it doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does! How could he, after all you've been through! You were faithful to him during the Sailor Wars, writing to him every day and-"

"Mako-chan, please listen!" Usagi cried before she lost her grip on the taller girl. Makoto sighed and plopped back down on the bench. Usagi stretched her arms a moment before plopping down as well. 

"It doesn't matter because he doesn't care for me the same way anymore, and I-I don't feel the same either."

Silence surrounded the two, and Usagi leaned her head on Makoto's shoulder. "If I tell you the reason I'm here, will you promise not to overreact?" She felt Makoto sigh and she smiled. "Arigato, Mako-chan…"

~*~*~*~*~*

"So, you ran into him again just know, and I scared him off? Oh, gomen nasai, Usagi-chan! You were just getting to know a little more about him!" 

Usagi shook her head. "No, I think that it was for the best. He probably thinks I'm some kind of freak, waiting around for him like that."

"So does that mean you won't try to find him again?" Makoto asked, noticing snowflakes gently fall from the clouds above. When Usagi did not answer, she said "Usagi-chan?"

Usagi was clutching her purse to her chest. "I don't want to turn into Minako-chan and stalk him." She laughed softly, remembering the time she and Minako had stalked Haruka, thinking that "he" was very handsome. "Maybe I'll see never him again, then maybe we'll bump into each other on the subway or at the park." She remained silent, listening to the snow as it fell to the ground. 

"Don't give up, Usagi-chan." Usagi turned and gasped at the sadness in her friend's eyes. "Mako-chan?"

  
Makoto gently placed her hands on Usagi's shoulders. "Promise me you'll never give up, Usagi." Usagi's forehead knotted with confusion. "Why, Mako-chan?"

Sighing, the brunette dropped her hands. "I once had a love, but he left, saying we shouldn't be together anymore. Did I ever tell you, Usagi-chan?"

"The one who left you in the rain?" Makoto shook her head. "No, he and I grew up together. Shortly after my parents died, he and I started to grow closer. But, a few years before I met you, he told me that he couldn't be with me anymore. Said that I would be hurt." She gazed sadly into the distance. "I told him I didn't care, that I only wanted to be with him. But, he insisted and he just disappeared.

"I always thought of locating him, using the Internet or something. But, I never did, and now I'll never know what happened to Quatre." Tears threatened to fall from Makoto's eyes, but she blinked them back.

"Mako-chan, I-"

"No, don't worry about me. I'm a stronger person now because of Quatre. But you, you have a chance right now, right at this moment. You can find happiness with Yuy-san, I just know it!" Usagi smiled and gripped Makoto's hands within hers. "Hai, I won't give up, but you have to promise me that _you_ will never give up on your love either, Mako-chan."

It was Makoto's turn to laugh out loud before she said, "You have a deal, Usagi-chan."

~*~*~*~*~*

She entered Crown's, looking around for her friends. It was the time for their weekly meeting together. It had been six months since the night Usagi last saw Heero and, even though she still looked for him, it was as if he had disappeared from the face of the planet. 

She walked to a booth in the back and was surprised to see Mamoru. 

"Mamoru-san?" she asked, confused by his being there. He looked up at her, his eyes bloodshot. "Usako?"

Usagi frowned at the use of his pet name for her. Her senses were on high alert as she kept her distance from him. "Why are you here?" she asked, keeping the pleasantness in her voice. Mamoru looked down at his hands, which were clasped tightly around a cup of now cold coffee. "I need to talk to you."

Usagi checked her watch, noticing that it was a little early. Knowing that her friends would be there soon, she slid into the seat across from Mamoru's. 

"OK, I'm listening," Usagi said, noticing the haggard appearance of Mamoru. His hair looked like it had not been brushed, his clothes, usually neatly pressed, were full of wrinkles, and he had a bad case of five-o'clock shadow. Concern filled her eyes, but she tried to keep it from showing on her face. "My girlfriend's pregnant."

Usagi blinked a few times before realization dawned on her. "That's wonderful, Mamoru-san!" she said, smiling brightly at him. When she noticed he did not seemed as thrilled, she asked "Why so glum?"

Mamoru sighed, then turned to look out the window. He ran his hands through his unkempt hair. "I am happy, but…" his voice trailed off as he turned his gaze on her. "But, what about Chibi-Usa?"

The smile melted off Usagi's face. "I don't understand." 

Mamoru shook his head as he leaned back in his seat. "How can you not understand? She'll never be born now." He swallowed hard and grief filled his voice as he said, "Won't you miss her?"

Usagi left her seat and sat next to Mamoru, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Tears spilled from her eyes as she replied "Yes, I'll miss her. But, maybe we'll see her again." Mamoru stiffened. "How?"

Usagi cradled his head against next to her own. Looking into his eyes she said "Hope, Mamoru-san. Hope."

~*~*~*~*~*

Time passed, and Usagi became a godparent to Mamoru's son, Seiji, which had brought confused reactions from everyone but Makoto. Usagi graduated and was accepted into two of the colleges she applied to. However, she did not start college right away.

Out of the blue one evening, Ikuko sat down with Usagi. Usagi knew something was wrong with her mother. She had been more depressed as of late, eating less, sleeping less, yelling at her even more. But Usagi understood.

"Usagi, remember the money that your father and I had saved for you and Sh-Shingo…" Ikuko stopped, swallowing hard. Usagi gave her an encouraging smile. "For you and Shingo to go to college with?" Usagi placed a hand on her mother's shoulder.

"I know it's gone, Mama." Ikuko's eyes widened. "How?" 

"I saw the hospital bills, Mama. I saw the mortgage notices. I knew that Papa's savings wouldn't last forever. It's OK, Mama. I can wait." Ikuko let out a sob and threw her arms around her daughter. "If it hadn't have been for you, my Usagi-chan, I don't know what I would have done." Tears filled both the women's eyes as they remembered that date, three years ago, when their two beloved family members had perished in an earthquake. 

"I'll always be here, Mama. Always."

~*~*~*~*~*

The next day, Usagi went job hunting. Although it took her a few weeks, she eventually landed a job on the cleaning staff at Hotel Ryokan Kangetsu*. She always had two days off a week to spend with her mother, whose depression was getting better with Usagi spending nearly all her free time with her. Usagi knew that if she were ever to leave, her mother would not make it. At least for now, she would be there for her.

It took Usagi a month to get acclimated to her new job. She was always nervous around guests who complained and ranted about there not being enough towels in their bathroom. However, Usagi's cheerfulness won the hearts of many of the regular guests, who then requested that only Usagi be the one to take care of their needs. Some even paid her large sums in tip money, sums so large that they nearly tripled the salary Usagi made at the hotel every month. 

She had been working for seven months when she ran into _him _once more. 

"Cleaning Service!" Usagi cried cheerfully as she knocked on the door. Noticing that there was no "Do Not Disturb" sign, Usagi let herself in. The towels she had been carrying fell to the floor in front of her as she came face to face with icy blue eyes. 

"Heero-san?"

He seemed as surprised as she did when he replied "Usagi?" She nodded, then remembered the towels. "Oh, I'm sorry about your towels!" she cried as she fell to her knees, "I'll get you some-"

She broke off in mid-sentence as she felt his hands, still as large and as callused as ever, cover hers. "They're fine, and I'll take them for you." Usagi opened her mouth to protest, but he covered her lips with his fingers. "It's fine."

She nodded, then, trying to find away to cover her nervousness, she began cleaning the room. When she finished changing the bedclothes, she made her way to the bathroom and cleaned it as well. 

When she entered the bedroom, she smiled at what she saw. He was sitting on the bed, leaning back on one hand as he smoked a cigarette with the other. 

"You _do_ know that this is a no smoking room, right?" He brought the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled deeply in answer. She shook her head, then went and sat beside him. They sat in the quiet room for sometime, Usagi listening to his breathing and the occasional puff of the cigarette, Heero listening to her shallow breaths and small sighs.

"Ano, Heero-san, I have to something that belongs to you." He quickly turned towards her, surprised at her statement. "What is it?"

"My heart!" she almost blurted out. Instead, she reached into a pocket and placed an old half-smoked cigarette in between them. "I took this the first time I met you." She blushed as she saw a smirk play about on his face. "I know it's silly, keeping an old cigarette all these years, but you don't know how much this means seemingly insignificant object has helped me."

She then proceeded to tell him of the situation with Mamoru and her mother. She recounted the many sleepless nights she had simply laid in bed, holding the cigarette in between her palms, thinking that somehow, somewhere, that he too might be thinking of her. 

"During one of those nights, I realized that I really did love you," she concluded, closing her eyes as they started to sting with tears. 

She gasped when she felt his rough fingertips against her face, wiping the tears that had trickled between her eyelids. She looked at him and smiled as he gazed at her. 

"I don't know what to say…"

Usagi pressed his hand against her cheek, rubbing his wrist gently. "You don't have to now… When you find out, come find me. I'll be waiting." She removed his hand and stood, giving him a small smile. "I'll see you soon…"

With that she left, leaving him still sitting on the bed, mulling the thoughts and emotions running through him.

At the end of her shift that day, Usagi turned quit her job. She had more than enough money saved to get her through college for a while. She also had been offered to work as a RA at the University of Tokyo.

~*~*~*~*~*

As it usually does, more time passed. Usagi was excelling in her classes. She loved her major, Social Relations. She had grown to love working with the regular guests at the hotel, and she knew that it was her calling in life to work with people. 

One evening, shortly after Christmas break during her second year, Usagi was walking home. She had forgotten to pick up her paycheck, so she was forced to walk the entire way from her dorm on campus to her house. She did not mind, since she had made more than her share of marathon runs to school when she was in middle school and high school.

She went home every weekend she had off to be with her mother. Ikuko had met a nice man one afternoon while grocery shopping and they had it off nicely. With this newfound love in her life, she started to smile more often. Usagi was thrilled for her mother, offering to take care of the house while her mother went away on weekend trips with her boyfriend.

Snow was falling heavily and Usagi was glad that she had remembered to put an extra pair of socks on. She was nearly home when she decided to walk along a familiar route. When she neared the apartment complex, she discovered that the bus stop had been removed. A sad smile appeared on her face for a moment, then she crossed the street to see Mamoru and her godson.

After spending a few hours playing with Seiji and laughing about old times with Mamoru and his wife, Usagi left, promising to come by more often. When she closed the door to the apartment building behind her, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness washed over Usagi. She covered her face as she sobbed, her body shuddering with every tear shed. After a while, she cried softly, then wiped her eyes. Shaking her head to clear her mind, she inhaled the crisp night air and set off for home.

She rounded the corner and came to a halt as a cigarette was flicked in her path. Her eyes widened in disbelief for a moment, and then she turned her head to see Heero, leaning against the wall.

"Heero-san?"

He took her in his arms. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come to a decision. I've spent the past two years in the colonies, trying to clear my mind. But every time I tried, you kept appearing in my thoughts. And now, I know what to say."

He tilted her head and looked into her face, flushed from the cold and from being so near to him. "I love you, too."

Usagi smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. Before he pressed his lips to hers, she asked, "Always, Heero-kun?"

He pressed his forehead to hers and gazed into her eyes, almost losing himself in their depths. "Forever." He then kissed her with all his heart as the snow fell around them. Yet, neither felt the cold; all they could feel was their love, which would keep them warm forever.

~*~*~*~*~*

Sailor Pluto sighed as she saw the scene before her. She noticed pink sparkles appearing next to her and she smiled as they materialized into the form of a little girl with cotton candy pink hair. Her eyes, however, were not the color of red wine, but the color of a blue sapphire. 

"Puu!" she cried, a huge smile on her face. "Mama and Papa said that I could spend today with you."

Pluto knelt and wrapped her arms around the child. "You can stay as long as you like, Small Lady." Tears stung her eyes as Chibi-Usa wrapped her arms around Pluto's neck.

"As long as I want?" she questioned.

"Hai, as long as you want."

~end~

*Yes, this is an actual hotel in Tokyo.

I hope you enjoyed this.   
  
~dj


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